Children and Social Media: A Case to Delay until 15

When I was 16 years old I was introduced to something called the internet. I could use my computer to read information (like ESPN), email people and basically waste time on weird websites. By the time I was in college, instant messaging was becoming a big thing. We’d fire up our computers and IM our friends and love interests. I still remember some of the first conversations my wife and I had over IM when we started dating. Some people would spend more time IMing than others…but eventually you would stop and re-engage with life. If you wanted to IM someone you had to be near a computer.

Flash forward 20+ years and, wow, have things changed. But they’ve not only changed, they’ve accelerated at light speed. Our teenagers, and children, have access to computers that fit in their pocket and they can “IM” (message, snap, etc) their friends literally 24/7. And many will if you let them.

This week the Surgeon General published a not too surprising report that “noted the increased risk of anxiety and depression among adolescents who are exposed to discrimination and bullying online. Other research has shown that adolescents ages 12-15 who spent more than three hours per day on social media face a heightened risk of experiencing poor mental health outcomes compared to those who spent less time online.” Here is the advisory:

https://www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/priorities/youth-mental-health/social-media/index.html

As our first child entered middle school my wife and I made a conscious effort (war, battle, etc) to keep our kids off of social media until they were 15 (We have four children). My reasoning was along the lines of, “If you have to be 15 to drive a vehicle, why not be 15 to take on the massive responsibility of social media?” I wasn’t necessarily looking at the subject from the angle of avoiding poor mental health. I just knew my children were not mature enough to be on those platforms.

Some will advocate no phones or iPads. I’m not writing to argue that issue. You can have your preference and we will have ours. We are not anti-phones or iPads. We let our children use them. When they’re young they basically use them to watch YouTube (Kids YouTube - big difference!) And we let them text certain friends, etc. But they don’t have access to social media. Then, when they enter sixth grade, they get a phone line and we start allowing them to grow into some independence. But, again, no social media.

Now…to be successful in this you have to buy a monitoring app of some sort. We use the Disney Circle App. There’s a monthly fee but you select which apps they are allowed to download, use, etc. You can also set time limits for the phone, apps and even establish a bed time. Without this app, we’d have no way to control this and we’d be completely exasperated at trying.. Even so, if our children do something bad or get an attitude, etc. the phones go up for a period of time. Taking phones away is actually a great consequence! Plus, it gets them out of “zombie” mode. Phones have certainly robbed children and teens of the process of developing social skills, but that is another post entirely.

Now that enough research has been released showing a correlation between social media and mental health problems with those developing brains between 12-15 years old, I’m glad the Lord led me and my wife to parent this way. We know/knew what our kids could handle and social media wasn’t one of them. Even my rising 11th grade son still has phone time limits and bed times. And none of my children go to sleep with their phones by their beds. Phones are in another room all together when their heads hit the pillow.

As your kids grow older and become teenagers, the phone is really the main battle of their lives. Any drama I’ve ever experienced with my teenagers had social media at the center of it. And they weren’t even on the platforms!

As my daughter approaches 9th grade we are easing her into social media and her friends are super excited because they’ve all known that’s been off limits for years. She has a phone and texts, but social media (especially Snapchat) is a completely different level of engagement. My 11th grader has had a couple of years now to be on a few platforms. And from time to time they make mistakes and we have to talk them through how to use the platforms responsibly. Giving wisdom to your children is something that never ends.

So, from a parent, Christian, pastor and friend, and now that research has shown adverse mental affects from middle school social media usage, one of the best ways you can parent the children God gave you is to delay social media until high school or around 15 years of age.. You’ll be saving them a lot of heartache and it’ll be easier to lead them to trust Jesus for their well-being and not their friends. It won’t be the popular thing to do, but when has the right thing ever been? Jesus, and your children, are worth it. God holds you responsible, as you well know. And…perhaps setting limits on your own social media usage will be beneficial as well!