Softening Hearts in a Divided World: Esther’s Example for Today’s Conflicts
The Power of Kindness: Why a Soft Answer Turns Away Wrath
Growing up, I was always told, “You get a lot more with sugar than with vinegar.” In other words, if you have a request in which you are virtually powerless to control, be nice. By being nice and flattering, the person with the power is more likely to give you your request. But if your request is combative, your chances of that request being granted are lessened.
As a person who has been under all sorts of authority, as well as being the authority, this advice is spot on. But, did you know the Bible tells us this?
Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
A soft answer turns away wrath… Think about that the next time you find yourself dealing with a pugnacious or combative person. Matching their belligerence hardly ever accomplishes anything. Yet…this is how many conflicts are often handled across our world, especially over social media. And we wonder why people hate each other so much.
What the Story of Esther Teaches Us About Influence and Humility
This Proverb reminds me of the story of Esther, a young, orphaned Jew who was randomly chosen to compete to be the next queen of Persia. King Xerxes was ruler of the known world in the 5th century BC. He was looking for a new queen, since his current queen disrespected him. So he held a competition that I can only compare to a reality show that somehow mixes the Bachelor with the Hunger Games.
Young, unmarried women from across the kingdom were selected in their districts to go to the capital of Persia and compete in a year-long tournament of sorts to see who could please the king the most. This “pleasing” included a night of intimacy with the king. When it was all said and done, Esther “won.”
What a situation to be thrown into. Yet, Esther was chosen, not just for her beautiful figure or her good looks, which Scripture says she had, but for her disposition. She was chosen for her temperament, her character, her nature. Esther 2 tells us that she was “winning favor in the eyes of all who saw her.”
Turning Division Into Dialogue: Lessons From the Book of Esther
In fact, the egomaniacal, wrathful and impulsive Xerxes liked her so much, he gave a feast in her name. This detail is important, because before these “Queen Games” commenced, Xerxes had just had a 6-month celebration of how great he was. So for him to give any kind of feast for anyone else was a big deal. And not only did he give a feast he lowered taxes on the people and passed out stimulus checks!
Esther 2:18 says, “Then the king gave a great feast for all his officials and servants; it was Esther’s feast. He also granted a remission of taxes to the provinces and gave gifts with royal generosity.”
It is truly amazing how one woman with a godly demeanor could so easily be the neck that turned that maniacal head of the world’s most powerful ruler. If you read ahead in Esther you’ll see she continued to act this way and eventually saved her people from certain genocide.
How Gentle Words and Empathy Can Change Hearts and Nations
What can we learn from Esther?
First, we can turn division into dialogue. Is there a person you can’t get along with? Maybe over political issues? Engage them privately and gently. Ask questions about their position. You’re not going to change a mind or heart by attacking or defending. When asked questions, give gentle and soft answers. Be respectful.
Second, be faithful in small interactions. Offer a kind word to a neighbor with opposing views, or post thoughtfully on social media. In divisive times, these acts accumulate, positioning you as a peacemaker. You want your reputation to be a person who calms people down…not stokes the fire.
Finally, seek to cultivate humility in your life. James 4:10 instructs: “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.” Ask questions, validate a person’s feelings, and share your perspective gently. Research shows that empathetic listening reduces defensiveness, much like how Esther’s approach melted Xerxes’ barriers.
Be an Esther: Using Grace, Wisdom, and Respect to Transform Conflict
Published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences journal, one experiment recruited 1,485 US participants for 10-minute video conversations with trained canvassers about the politically divisive issue of illegal immigration. Participants in the study reported lower resistance to each other which was attributed to reduced emotional barriers. The variables were active listening and storytelling.
Esther listened. She knew exactly who Xerxes was. And yet she was still herself. She listened. She advised. And she served sugar. Not the fake stuff (because people can tell the difference). But true, respectful and empathetic listening. And through this superpower, she lowered taxes and saved her people!
This week, think how you can be an Esther to people in your life. If you know Jesus, you will see others as people, created in the image of God. Therefore, we treat all people with respect and love, as God loved us.
